Birthday cards are one of the places ageism has taken grip in our society, making them the best place to loosen the grip.
Every year, Americans buy over 6.5 billion greeting cards, and over 50% are birthday cards!
Unfortunately, birthday cards have traditionally been the perfect way to take cheap shots at our friends and family about getting older. Scan any greeting card aisle, and you’ll still see images and sentiments focused on decline, depression, and dementia.
A National Poll on Healthy Aging study shows that 8 out of 10 people over 50 are exposed to ageist messages daily, and the greeting card aisle contributes to this problem.
Some people I know complain about the cost of a greeting card, which is currently averaging over $6, but it’s well spent for me.
Think about these opportunities.
Here are five reasons birthday cards are a great way to combat ageism:
1 - Sending a card shows people you care
2 - Greeting cards have messages that people read
3 - The power to influence family and friends
4 - Women are the target and the solution
5 - Shop small when buying cards; it does matter
It can feel daunting to fight ageism. In our youth-obsessed culture, the roots run deep.
As you can see, greeting cards are an effective way to loosen the grip of ageism, especially with family and friends.
You may need to change how you shop for greeting cards to find the good ones. Shopping small increases your chances of finding niche designs from individual sellers.
Stock up when you find an outstanding, age-positive card like those from Age-Friendly Vibes! It’s a great way to fight ageism and use your buying power to impact change.
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My son recently turned 40, and I find myself sorting through his feelings about age and mine, too. How can I have a 40-year-old? I mean, biologically, it’s possible as a 62-year-old woman. But where has the time gone?
I remember feeling young when I had my first child in 1983 at 22, even though I was married, had a secure job, and owned a home. Looking back, I wonder why I was so hurried to grow up.
As a pro-age advocate and understanding how age beliefs impact longevity, it’s interesting to think about how the age we become a parent affects our feelings about age.
As I mull through my internalized ageism on this topic, here are my thoughts about my child turning 40.
Kids are a clue in the age-guessing game
One of the ways we make sense of age is by playing the age ‘guessing game.’ Many people think knowing the age of your kids is a sure giveaway, especially as they hit milestone birthdays.
There are flaws in this guessing game
Still curious about how old someone is? First, ask yourself why you care, and if you’re still interested, find out their graduation dates. Employers have been using that tactic to zero in on the age of job candidates for decades.
Milestone birthdays amplify feelings about age
Cultural expectations influence how we feel about age, especially in America.
Milestone birthdays can amplify feelings about age, especially at age 40, when entering middle age brings up feelings about career expectations, settling in our personal life, and other life goals.
My son talked about how quickly time has gone. He wanted to accomplish a few things by age 40, including being settled in a community. He also felt the runway getting shorter regarding his life goal of being a parent.
My advice to him? Instead of thinking about what you didn’t accomplish, reflect on what you’re grateful for and what you did accomplish.
The perfect time for reflection
Milestone birthdays are the perfect time to reflect on the passage of time.
When I turned 60 a few years ago, I had a combination of emotions and thoughts about life experiences, relationships, and the path ahead in the later stages of life.
As my son turns 40, I think about how I felt when I turned 40, and he was graduating from high school.
When my parents turned 40, they were dealing with a house full of middle and high school children in the 70s. Yikes.
Ageism can show up in sneaky ways.
I have to admit I was surprised by the feelings I had about my age when my son turned 40.
As a pro-age advocate, I’ve learned that when I grapple with age, I take the time to unpack those feelings.
Overall, a child turning 40 can be a time for celebration, reflection, and gratitude for the bond between parent and adult child. It has been quite a journey to reach this point in life.
This may be the wisdom that comes with age.
]]>Ageism is any judgment based on age, whether directed at people older than us, younger than us, or ourselves (internalized ageism). Ageism includes jokes about old age and suggestions that older adults suffer from decline, depression, and dementia.
It’s easy to recognize ageism in an offensive ad, scoff at the concept of anti-aging cream, or jump in on comments when ageism appears on social media. It can be challenging to acknowledge ageism in our close relationships.
Since these relationships are the most meaningful in your life, the impact of ageist views and actions is magnified.
When ageism seeps into your relationships, the behavior may be defended with the declaration, ‘I was just joking!’
I have a friend whose kids thought giving him an ‘old fart’ card for his birthday each year was funny. As he got older, this inside joke turned the corner into being hurtful. He struggled with how to tell his kids this was no longer OK with the label of ‘old fart.’
Research exposing the impact of attitudes about aging is no joke. According to research by Dr. Becca Levy in Breaking the Age Code, when people have negative views about aging, their lifespan can be impacted by an astounding 7.5 years.
Do you recognize these signs of ageism in your relationships with friends, family, or close acquaintances?
1 - Staying silent when people use age as an excuse
2 - Asking about retirement
3 - Assuming someone older needs help with tech
4 - Unsolicited help to lift or move heavy objects
5 - Giving or receiving ageist birthday cards
These types of interactions contribute to the negative stereotypes of older adults that have deep roots in our youth-obsessed culture.
It takes us all to recognize ageism in its many forms, including those that seep into our closest relationships.
Wherever you encounter ageist behavior, don’t ignore it.
Speaking of choices, shop our collection of birthday cards that celebrate, instead of denigrate age. Visit Age-Friendly Vibes and stock up today!
]]>Here’s the backstory of how this came about in only my second year of business.
As I grow my age-positive greeting card business, I focus on pitching my products to retail stores. I do this through the Faire platform, cold outreach, and also by participating in trade shows.
I’m a member of the Greeting Card Association, and last year I participated in the premier greeting card trade show of the year, the *Noted Expo in San Francisco.
At the *Noted Expo, The Greeting Card Association provides many opportunities to promote our businesses in front of retailers, sales reps, and industry professionals.
One of the ways they do this is by hosting the Louie Awards, which are considered the Academy Awards for greeting cards. For 2023, there were over 1,000 submissions across dozens of categories, with big and small brands represented.
Age-Friendly Vibes submitted cards in several categories and was honored to be a finalist in the Rising Star category for the Louie Awards!
As part of this recognition, one of my designs, Age is Just the Number of Years You’ve Been Loved, was selected to be included in the Louie Award display in 750 Barnes & Noble and Paper Source stores nationwide.
Fulfilling this order was a monumental task, but one I tackled with enthusiasm. Working through the vendor approval process, securing cards and envelopes from suppliers, and wrangling friends and family to help package cards was a labor of love from start to finish. The best lesson of all; I know I can handle an order of 4,800 cards!
This opportunity came about with the help of Nora Weiser and Andy Meehan of the Greeting Card Association, who, in 2022, partnered with Barnes & Noble, Inc. to display 'the best cards of the year' in the Louie Award display.
Visit your local Barnes & Noble and Paper Source store and check out this amazing collection. While you’re there, buy a card or two. It may just help me get a re-order. 😍
If you can’t get to a store, you can always shop our age-positive birthday collection online. Retailers, stock age-positive cards by visiting us on Faire.
]]>This kindness includes the generous sharing of knowledge, perspective, and time. Amy Frazer is one of these special people. As a community leader, she has been there from day one of my entrepreneurial journey in the greeting card industry.
I started working closely with Amy when she hosted a Zoom call to help get ready for our first trade show in April of 2022. The sharing of anxiety, and, more importantly, solutions, helped us all have a successful first show at the Noted Expo in 2022, hosted by The Greeting Card Association.
We got together after the show and decided to continue our bi-weekly meetings. The result is a group of women supporting women, affectionately known as Wholesale Therapy.
Amy and I decided individually to exhibit at the Las Vegas Market in July of 2022. After working through the initial push of getting packed and ready to exhibit, the five-day show was slower at times than expected. This allowed for plenty of time to get to know Amy, as well as the other exhibitors.
With Amy’s background in design and illustration, it’s not surprising she’s been able to quickly create a successful greeting card, gift, and embroidery business with Keller Design Co.
In Vegas, I also learned more about Amy's book, Empowered Embroidery, and her collaboration with Emiko for Keller & Friends.
On that trip, even though nothing exciting enough happened in Vegas that should stay in Vegas, the idea to collaborate on a line of age-positive greeting cards was born.
Amy and I met weekly for several months to work on our collaboration. We started with a list of age-positive phrases, and discussed them in depth, making sure we both understood the rich meaning of the words.
Next up was discussing design concepts, intending to create a cohesive visual set of designs that could not only stand on their own but look great together as a set.
I worked on font options that would complement the phrases, selecting font combinations with both serif and sanserif options, script, and block styles. After much discussion, we came up with a pair of fonts we both liked, and I went to work making sure they worked well with our age-positive phrases.
We created a color palette using a combination of our brand colors. Amy was surprised to learn that Age-Friendly Vibes has 8 brand colors, which expands beyond the red and teal used in Age-Friendly Vibes text-based designs.
Amy got to work on the art, sharing design elements she previously created that would work for our collaboration. I was immediately taken by the eyes used in ‘See Your Unique Beauty’ and the playful circles featured in the ‘Age-Positive Vibes.’
Amy got out her watercolors and created a stunning background for the ‘Future Has No Limits,’ followed by the captivating sun used in the ‘It’s Never Too Late to Follow Your Dreams’ design.
For ‘Love Your Future Self,’ the last design that came together, we used the sun rays to make a frame decorated with a flower Amy created to pull together this sweet, yet impactful design.
We worked together on adding heart and star icons to pull together all designs.
I’m proud of the cards we created in this collaboration of five designs, all featuring age-positive sentiments.
After sending designs to print, updating websites, and adding the collection to Faire, we were ready to introduce our collaboration at the Noted Expo in April 2023.
You can shop the Keller Collaboration at Age-Friendly Vibes.
]]>I was thankful for the chance to ‘do over’ finding a more fulfilling relationship. As it turns out, I’ve had a few chances for a relationship ‘do-over’ in my life. And whether I liked it or not, the path to a new relationship was always through dating.
As I reflect on the dating segments of my life, it’s not too much of a stretch to find the correlation with the entrepreneurial journey I’m on today.
As I look back on my relationship journey, I gained some valuable life skills that are useful when building an online business.
The Joys of Dating
In the early 1990s, dating meant putting yourself out there by getting dressed up, going to the bar with friends, and hoping for the best. Your friends and family were entertained by your antics and excited to know you were ‘back on the market.’
There wasn’t much I liked about dating, but knowing it was the path to a real relationship, I forged ahead.
I have some very vivid memories of those early years of dating:
Marketing skill: Identifying pain points.
I discovered online dating when I found myself single and ready to date in the early 2000s. I was used to working on a computer at work and home. As a relatively early adopter of the Internet, I was intrigued by Google and the immediate answers you could get if you asked the right question.
I didn’t Google ‘hot men near me’ back then, so I’m not sure how I first heard about match.com. On my work-issued IBM ThinkPad, I logged on to match.com and started looking around. I’m unsure what that website said, but I pulled out my credit card, paid the monthly fee, and started setting up my profile.
Marketing: Opting in and purchasing a membership in one visit. Woah. Website goals.
Searching for men online, or in other words, shopping for a man. It sounded perfect to me.
To be clear, I was just shopping. Getting a feel for what was out there. I hesitated to take the next step and meet someone in person. At the time, I remember feeling safe since I was in control of who I ‘winked at’ (the equivalent of a Facebook like) and, more importantly, who I decided to email through the match.com email I was assigned.
Getting started searching on match.com meant sorting my potential mate by gender, age range (number of years younger and older than you), and miles within a zip code. There may have been more filters, but I remember using those.
Marketing skill: Identifying ideal customer demographics
When I saw the results of my search, I was astounded. I don’t remember the exact number of men that came up on my list, but it was in the hundreds. Right before my eyes was a list of over 100 men who lived within 30 miles, were within 10 years of my age, and, most importantly, were ready to date. Jackpot.
It provided much-needed validation that there are people out there, just like me, looking for a relationship, and lots of them. My relationship goals were slowly shifting from looking for a fulfilling relationship to thinking I may be able to find my soulmate.
It made the worst parts of dating; the late nights, lousy dates, and interrogation from my family worth it.
Most importantly, I was in control of my destiny. I had confidence that putting my tech-savviness and research skills to work on finding a man would give me some good options.
My future vision of finding my soulmate looked bright.
Marketing skill: Clarifying goals and busting the scarcity myth.
Piles of Men
It wasn’t long before I quickly scanned the profiles and sorted the men into piles. Do you remember the viral Mitt Romney quote about binders full of women? My version is ‘Piles of Men’.
The first thing that caught my eye was the photos. Most photos were fuzzy (no iPhones back then) or dressed in formal wear (taken at a wedding), and some just flat-out revealed their true colors.
Here are some of the photos that are burned in my mind:
Marketing skill: The power of visual content.
If their photo didn’t put me off and I got to the written part of their profile, things got better or worse in a hurry.
I distinctly remember seeing the same pattern in those profiles. Back then, there was a lot of:
Or my personal favorite. I’m a Renaissance man. What does that mean, and is it even a good thing? My version of Renaissance men were those at the annual festival with a turkey leg in one hand and a mug of warm wine in the other, being excited about the chance to wear tights.
It got pretty boring reading the same clichés repeatedly, and after a while, it became hard to distinguish one profile from another. ‘Which guy was this one again? The one who loves hanging out with his friends on a Friday night?’
When you did run across a profile that didn’t feature the exact tired phrases, it was a breath of fresh air. Maybe some guys thought for a minute about what they were genuinely looking for in another person. Bonus points if they could express it by typing on a keyboard to get the words out (remember, I’m tech-savvy).
There was something sexy about a clever and well-thought-out profile. Those were the profiles that would get a ‘wink’ from me (modern-day call-to-action). If I’ve lost you about winking, it’s still a thing in online dating. You can learn more about winking by Googling, ‘what is a wink on match.com’.
After sending the ‘wink,’ I’d press enter on my laptop 5,000 times to refresh my screen so I wouldn’t miss it when they winked back (this was before notifications).
Marketing skill: Recognizing effective copywriting and segmenting your list.
When the relationship moved past the winking stage, it was time to take the next step on email.
It was exciting to come home at the end of the workday and hear your computer say ‘You’ve got mail’. Which, if I’ve lost you, was a voice that came out of your computer, courtesy of AOL, that was such a part of pop culture at the time that it inspired one of my all-time favorite movies, You’ve got mail.
Most of the guys that made it to the email phase just wanted to meet immediately. They were on the communication fast track. You winked, I winked, I’m on my way over with a bottle of wine type of fast track. Whoa.
When I did engage in conversation using email, it was very revealing. You could quickly figure out:
The email conversations were another form of filtering my ‘Pile of Men.’ Those I found intriguing and kept my attention made it to the next level in the relationship.
It was time to meet in person.
Marketing skill: Email marketing, the importance of being authentic online.
Meeting In Person
Even though you got to know this person over email, meeting in person was always nerve-wracking.
The simple act of agreeing to that first meeting in person took courage. You had to get out from behind your keyboard, dress up, and make an excellent first impression. There was also a chance to review the facts again since this was a really easy time to bail.
If I had my way, the first date would be a coffee or lunch date. It was too risky for me to meet for drinks because of the expectation of dinner and an entire evening. Even though I always had an exit plan if the date was going badly, I didn’t completely trust my judgment, especially after a few drinks.
Marketing skill: Getting out of your comfort zone and understanding your options.
I always tried to get to the meeting place early, so I would have a split second to recognize my date before he noticed me. I remember waiting with the mental fuzzy image of the person etched into my mind, hyper-aware of everyone in the room.
The first site of them was a whirl of emotions. You’re trying to reconcile that mental image with all the dimensions standing before you. In 5 microseconds. What is that rush of feelings? Chemistry, nervous excitement, or sheer panic?
The first impression usually when something like this for me:
The first words spoken were very awkward. Especially when you realize they were comparing their mental image of you with their reality at the same time. There was a lot of nonsensical small talk and stammering.
Once you settled down and started conversing, you’d share a ‘surprised on the first date story, recapping the details of big misses. I laughed along with ‘surprise’ first date stories at the time, the online version of the comparison game that’s so prevalent in social media today.
Marketing skill: The importance of being authentic online and avoiding comparison.
Relationship Building
While that first date can indicate an initial mutual attraction, you quickly realize you need a few more dates to dilute the awkwardness of that first impression. Or if you had a solid first reaction, you used the following few dates to see if that marathon make-out session was as good as you remembered.
Over the next few weeks, as you start doing things together, you quickly determine if you have the same common interests declared before you met. This is when you can tell if they ever had fun before they met you, have hobbies and interests, or have ever walked anywhere, much less on the beach.
If you make it a few months, you are now dating, and as a woman, you start to ask yourself more significant questions about the future. If you’re taking notes, it’s crucial never to acknowledge that you are dating or ask questions about the future out loud. Unless, of course, you’re ready to end the relationship.
It was also when the initial excitement of the relationship would wear off, and you’d get to the good stuff. As they revealed more about themselves as the relationship progressed, you would start to see if their actions lived up to their words.
Here are some of the real-life things I learned about people I dated:
During this point, I’d intentionally spend some time away from the relationship and get honest with where it was headed. If the future didn’t look bright, I like to think I attempted to work on the differences, but in most cases, I ended it rather abruptly.
There was that 'Pile of Men' waiting after all.
Marketing skill: Identifying ideal customer psychographics, decision-making, and pivoting.
Happy Ending
My latest round of ‘do-over’ in the relationship game happened in 2015.
It was on the heels of my second marriage ending (don’t judge me). This relationship started with an eHarmony introduction, advanced too quickly to marriage, and ended after much careful thought, fueled by a heavy dose of marriage counseling.
There is a lot to unpack there, but rest assured, I came away with increased self-awareness, a drive to make more meaning out of my life, and a very useful stack of books on relationships and love.
During this time, I started to get serious about my entrepreneurial journey, mainly as a side hustle. I had bills to pay, after all. I didn’t even think about dating, and as I continued to work on my self-awareness, I started to visualize my soul mate.
Marketing skill: Goal setting, aligning your path with your goals.
Eventually, my thoughts made me wonder if it was time to return to the dating game. But this time, as tempting as it was, I didn’t return to the ‘Pile of Men.’ It was time to practice my newfound self-awareness about relationships and love.
I confided my dating readiness to my sister on a visit, and soon we were setting up a ‘Plenty of Fish’ profile.’ Letting your sister write your dating profile after you’ve had a few margaritas is never a good idea. There’s that temporary lack of judgment fueled by a few drinks.
My sister, who had 25+ years of a happy marriage, was enjoying her front-row seat in online dating. She was winking at men on my behalf left and right. All while we were debating whether or not the burly biker dude had a soft side or not.
I distinctly remember my sister being astounded when learning that there was one man for every 10 women over 50. It didn’t matter where that stat came from. The idea of ‘Piles of Women’ out there prompted her to call her husband and tell him she missed him.
Later that summer, I had friends at my mountain home for the weekend, and we started talking about online dating. It’s so terrifying for people in a secure, long-term relationship yet they’re willing to offer the opinion that there are great men everywhere you look.
We went to a festival the next day, continuing the debate about the available men everywhere, when a handsome man caught my eye in the beer line. I immediately checked his ring finger to see if he was married. So far, so good. Time to scheme how I could get his attention.
I poured on the charm, and before I knew it I was on a first date with what would become my true soulmate. The initial jitters dissipated quickly, we had a fantastic courtship that transitioned into a fulfilling, happy life together.
I met my soulmate offline, in a beer line. That’s the ending to my relationship journey that none of my friends or family could predict.
Marketing skill: Commitment, self-awareness, and life-long learning.
Lessons Learned
Thanks for following along as I reflect on my personal journey to find my soulmate. As you can see, there are true correlations to the entrepreneurial journey.
The layers of complexity that exist in today’s world are mind-boggling. The connections you make on social media, video, and other nuanced ways of communicating online can be challenging to navigate.
But in the end, as you can see, in the relationship and entrepreneurial journey, it boils down to the belief that one simple connection can make every step of the journey worthwhile.
Jan Golden is a creative entrepreneur and founder of Age-Friendly Vibes, a stationery brand focused on bringing awareness to ageism.
]]>Hi, my name is Jan, and I’m the founder of Age-Friendly Vibes and a pro-age advocate. That means I’m advocating for all of you. Because as you know, we’re all aging.
Unfortunately, in our youth-obsessed culture, we need more advocates for aging.
The idea that getting old is something to dread is rooted deep in American culture.
You see it reinforced in advertising, on the internet, and unfortunately when celebrating birthdays.
This pitting of young vs. old and old vs. young is called ageism, which is prejudice based on age.
Ageism impacts our ability to stay employed, and our physical and mental health, so much so that when ageism gets internalized, it can impact our life span by up to 8 years.
It’s heart-warming to see the greeting card industry step up to support people of color, women’s rights, and the LGBTQ community.
What’s not so heartwarming is the number of greeting cards that ‘poke fun’ at getting older.
I used to chuckle at many of them too, but that all changed when I participated in an anti-ageist birthday card contest sponsored by Changing the Narrative, the same contest Janine Vanderburg presented at last year's virtual Noted.
I was astounded by the number of cards loudly declaring you’re now old, or the worst, caricatures of older people with sagging body parts, inspired by Maxine, paired with sarcastic quips about how awful it is to be old.
But life gets better as we age!
Here’s a quick story about these ageist cards.
I was recently shopping with a friend when we walked into a boutique that had amazing gifts. When we got to the card section, front and center was a card with a brightly colored caricature of an old woman that read; I thought I was having a hot-flash, but I realized it was just my boob falling into my coffee.
We both shook our heads. She walked out. She’s a breast cancer survivor.
It made me wonder if the boutique owner was aware of the strong, negative reaction to that ageist card.
I believe a greeting card is a powerful exchange of a sentiment from one person to another. My goal is to make sure it’s an age-positive one.
My designs are unique. When celebrating birthdays, I don’t ignore the elephant in the room; getting older, I address it in clever, inspiring, and thought-provoking ways.
These are the types of cards I’d like to give or receive; that counter the ageist messages we see every day.
My top selling cards include:
These are a few examples of age-positive sentiments that are missing on the shelf and that resonate with the over-50 cohort that contributes $8 trillion to the economy each year.
In the past year, I’ve identified top-selling cards, grown my email list, and built a highly engaged audience on Instagram keeps me motivated and full of fresh ideas.
As I set my sights on wholesale, I quickly realized the greeting card industry is large and complex. That’s when I discovered Proof to Proof Product, where I got up to speed on industry standards and continue to learn daily from the fantastic Paper Camp community.
Back in Denver, I’m ready to fulfill orders.
I’m doing all of this with a big smile on my face! This business checks all of the boxes for me.
The best part is seeing the reaction to the age-positive sentiments I put out there in the world. Knowing that I may have a small part in celebrating, instead of dreading, a birthday is heart-warming.
Thank you so much for your time.
I’d like to encourage you to join me and become a pro-age advocate. Advocate not only for your loved ones as they celebrate birthdays but as you expand your product lines this season.
The best place to start is by carrying a line of unique and age-positive designs from Age-Friendly Vibes.
My name is Jan, and I’d love to answer any questions you have about my line and the cause behind it.
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John was attempting to capture the snarky comments he heard from these older women in his life. Putting their thoughts and actions to life through Maxine, and her dog, Floyd.
Maxine slings insults on everyday annoyances, including men, bad drivers, long lines, and her favorite subject, getting older.
“Maxine taps into what we all think and feel but don’t say because we’re too nice. Through her, we can make those caustic remarks we really want to,” said Hallmark’s marketing director in an interview in 1997.
My mother was right there with them. She didn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thought of her. She was also living in a time when days were spent cooking, cleaning, and raising children. Bitterness came out in the form of a sharp tongue.
When Maxine first emerged on card racks in the fall of 1986, she was an instant hit with consumers sick of sappy sentimentality and many other things going on in their lives.
80’s and 90’s Culture
I’m guessing John’s mother and Aunt would have been 50-60 years old when Maxine was created in 1986. John is my age, born in 1961, at the tail end of the baby boomer generation.
The ’80s were a time when Ronald Reagan was president, Oprah Winfrey debuted, and the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded. Popular TV shows included The Golden Girls, The Cosby Show, and Married with Children.
I was working 9 to 5 (as in the famous movie), building a career in a male-dominated field while raising kids, and figuring out how long I could last in a lousy marriage.
During this period of conservative politics, women watched as the Equal Rights Amendment was overturned, putting equality, women’s rights, and reproductive rights back in jeopardy.
Maxine tapped into a generation of women struggling to find power, and more importantly, their voice. That voice came out in the form of a sharp-witted, sarcastic cartoon character.
Maxine was an acceptable way to get in jabs about the frustration of life since, after all, Hallmark™ created her. Giving a sarcastic card to your girlfriend with a clever quip about the disappointment of the day was something new and novel and wildly popular.
During this period, it also became fashionable to insult your loved one on their birthday. A seed planted so deep it’s still growing decades later.
Not Everyone Was Laughing
As Maxine was tapping into the social frustrations of the time, her favorite topic was taking jabs at getting older.
Maxine firmly planted the seeds of ageism with comments like,
Maxine had the staff at Hallmark™ concerned. A spokeswoman for the company noted that they were worried that people might be offended when Maxine first came out.
In a 2018 interview, Chris Brethwaite, a lead writer for Maxine, who is now catching up with Maxine in age, said, "I used to sit at my desk and snicker at some of the things I came up with age-wise," he said, chuckling. "They're not so funny anymore.”
By 1997, on an 11 year run with Maxine, over 160 million Maxine cards were sold. The creator of Maxine was stunned, declaring in an interview that, “I had no idea what I was creating.”
When John was asked if he would send a Maxine card to his mother on her birthday, “No,” he says, laughing. “I send nice cards to my mother.”
Maxine Today
Even though John retired in 2011, Maxine lives on! After all, in the 7.5 billion dollar greeting card industry, it’s hard to let go of a legend.
But is Maxine still slinging ageist messages? Hell yes!
Taking a look at the 26 Maxine cards for sale on the Hallmark website in June of 2021,14 of them have direct ageist messages. Imagine a line of greeting cards that were overtly racist, sexist, or homophobic. They would never make it on the shelf in retailers.
No doubt, the Maxine character represents the birth of the ageist birthday card. She single-handedly made it fashionable to offend your loved one on their birthday. Walk down the greeting card aisle, and her influence is undeniable.
Even if you think some of what Maxine says is clever, you fuel ageism when you buy a Maxine-style card.
On the back of Maxine cards sold today, they add clever sayings to get you thinking. One of those sayings is, “People tell us they love Maxine because she says what they're thinking. It makes us wonder about people.”
In addition to wondering about the people buying these cards, I wonder about the people creating ageist cards and the people responsible for putting them on the shelf.
I wonder if they realize their contribution to our youth-obsessed culture, the multi-billion dollar anti-aging product business, and most devastating, the decrease of life-span by 7.5 years who internalize ageism.
It’s time to stop ageism and rethink how we think about aging.
You may think these types of cards are funny, but there’s nothing funny about ageism. By marginalizing older people and minimizing their contributions, ageism has tremendous negative impacts on every aspect of life for older people and also negatively impacts communities.
Here are 5 surprisingly common examples of ageism in birthday cards.
1 - Declaring you’re old
Maybe you’re the type that sizes up the room whenever you walk into a social event to tally how many people appear to be older or younger than you, even though age has nothing to do with the occasion?
Or if you’re like me and wake up with aches and pains, instantly thinking it’s a result of getting older, instead of thinking maybe it’s a result of the extra-long hike, the boxes you moved, or the heavy snow you shoveled the day before?
If you recognize any of these behaviors in yourself, you’re experiencing internalized ageism, which is the negative beliefs we hold about aging and older people.
Ageist messages are everywhere.
It’s not hard to figure out where we pick up these ageist beliefs. In our youth-obsessed culture, we are constantly reminded that getting older is dreadful, and we should be doing whatever we can to defy aging.
Ageist messages include jokes about losing memory or hearing, the lack of tech-savviness amongst older adults, and the overabundance of anti-aging messages in all media forms.
The National Poll on Healthy Aging confirms that people aged 50 to 80 are barraged with negative stereotypes about getting older.
What happens to all of these ageist messages we see every day? For many people, they become internalized, impacting decisions on how they live their lives.
Internalized ageism is harmful.
When you tell yourself that old is bad and young is good, you’re reinforcing negative stereotypes which can be bad for you and your health.
Internalized ageism includes thoughts that assume that feeling lonely, depressed, or sad as you get older are normal signs of aging.
Research shows internalized ageism can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we think we have reached the mythical state of being old, we are likely to change our behavior to confirm negative stereotypes.
“Ageism is prejudice against our own future selves..” Ashton Applewhite
Viewing life through an ageist lens can skew how we make decisions about our health, determine if and when we retire, and prevent us from adopting technologies that keep us relevant in today’s world.
If that isn’t enough motivation for you to rethink how you think about aging, consider this; Becca Levy, a public health and psychology professor at Yale, suggested that people with positive self-perceptions of aging lived 7.5 years longer than those with negative attitudes.
What you can do
Don’t get me wrong. No doubt we all experience the physical aspects of getting older, from thinning hair to vision and hearing loss. However, the way we feel about getting older significantly affects our physical and psychological trajectories.
The first step is recognizing your own internalized ageism and taking steps to address it.
Reduce your exposure to ageist messages. Much of the everyday ageism comes from television, magazines, and the internet. Research shows that those who spent more than 4 hours a day viewing media were more likely to report experiencing ageism than those that spend 2-4 hours per day viewing media.
Increase your understanding of ageism. Learn more about ageism in it’s many forms and become part of the movement to Change the Narrative about aging. Find out more about campaigns and ways to get involved in ending ageism.
Take care of your physical and mental health. Developing a healthy mind-body connection can help you function better and enjoy life more. Taking care of your emotional health, which includes how you feel about yourself, impacts your physical health.
Focus on the positive aspects of getting older. The National Poll on Healthy Aging confirms that of adults aged 50-80,
Personally, I’ve changed my behaviors since learning more about ageism and it’s harmful affects in my role as a Change AGEnt for Changing the Narrative.
I’ve started to call out any ‘young is good and old is bad messages’ when I see them. Especially those that contain the buzz words that label older adults in a negative way. It’s great way to spark a conversation about ageism.
Which by the way can work both ways. Don’t bash the younger folks either. When you disparage millennials, or talk smack about foolish young kids, you’re guilty of ageism. Think about how you were at that age, and above all else, be kind.
And no more of those ‘funny’ ageist birthday cards. I don’t want to see them on the card rack, or worse yet, receive one. Visit Age-Friendly Vibes to find plenty of alternatives.
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If it’s a thank you note, the person you’re ‘thanking’ and their extraordinary deed is likely at the top of your mind.
But if it’s a birthday card, retirement card, or sympathy card, facing the blank card can be challenging.
Most people find a card that captures the mood and has some sentiments inside that are close enough, hoping there is enough room to jot down a quick thought along with their name.
Or worse yet, they count on the card doing all the work of being memorable by choosing one that has a snarky message, likely implying that it sucks to be old and you can look forward to a life of lousy eyesight, smelly farts, and ugly shoes.
A better option? Find an artsy, clever, or inspirational card that’s blank inside, and write a thoughtful sentiment in your own words.
Birthdays can be a missed opportunity to show your loved one you care. Many people think about buying the perfect gift, but it’s a scramble when purchasing the card.
Take the time to sit down and write a few heartfelt sentiments that
If you don’t come from a card-writing family, aren’t a clergy member, or don’t own a service-based business, facing the blank card can be daunting.
Here are five steps to capturing the perfect sentiment for any blank card:
Step 1 - Find some quiet time.
Step 2 - Write down ideas.
Step 3 - Craft your mini-story.
Step 4 - Practice writing your message.
Step 5 - Write on the card.
Stop and think about how good it feels to take pen to paper and write something meaningful.
They may never use your gift, but they’ll undoubtedly remember the feeling you shared in that blank card!
Shop our selection of age-friendly cards to find the perfect blank card.
]]>Standing in front of the card rack, you scan cards implying that after the age of sweet 16, freedom of 21, we're all suddenly over the hill and crashing into mental and physical decline. Or worse yet, you're looking at cartoon-like visuals of sagging body parts paired with clever sentiments about how awful it is to be old.
These types of cards are ageist, and they contribute to the negative stereotypes associated with getting older.
What is ageism?
Ageism is everywhere.
Ageism is harmful.
It's all in good fun.
The message conveyed in a birthday card does matter. It’s a personal exchange of a sentiment from one person to another, making it powerful. Stop and think before you convey an ageist sentiment to your loved one--on their birthday.
Be part of the solution.
There are plenty of ageist birthday cards available for purchase, especially as an impulse buy. It will take awareness of the harmful effects of ageism and multiple seasonal cycles to reduce the number of ageist cards on the greeting card rack significantly.
In the meantime, the next time you find yourself staring at a rack of cards running 15 minutes late to the party, look for an artsy, clever, or better yet, inspirational birthday card. If you care enough to give someone a birthday card, then care enough not to hurt their feelings by choosing an ageist birthday card.
Are you coming up empty? Choose a simple birthday card and if you must be snarky, write it (if you dare) in your own words on the inside of the card. Don't give the greeting card company another sale of an ageist birthday card.
Visit our Etsy shop, Age-friendly Vibes for a robust collection of anti-ageist birthday cards.
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